TVF’s An Unnamed Medical Report

Dad. Aakanksha. Jeetu. Dad. Jeetu. Son, we’ve gone through one round, right?
Let’s stop this. This Mexican Stand-up doesn’t seem fun,
let’s play something else. Do you have UNO or something like it? Dad, we’re not playing to waste time,
we’re playing to see whose reports it is. And how did it tear? I’ll go check the bin, if I find something
there, we may find a name. The garbage man cleared it out, son. I went after him, he was close to ‘Khandelwal Sweets’
collecting more garbage. I requested him to let me check
his truck, but he refused. To add to it, he spoke about
‘Swachh Bharat’ for 10 minutes. He was right.
But then I came back after that. Son, this is normal. Don’t worry. Dad, everything is normal for you. You tore off one of the zeros from the
electricity bill and I paid 800 bucks. I had to pay a penalty for that. You did the same during my admissions
to IIT. I didn’t get selected there
because of you. He tore my admit card! You’re acting like you would’ve cleared
IIT as soon as you were born. Akanksha, just ask him where certain
diagrams of thermodynamics are, in physics or chemistry. He’ll look up at the sky and act
like he’s thinking about something. Look at that. Why are you talking about
the past, dad? Okay, I’ll talk about new things. Did you read this report? Yeah, the cholestrol is high
and calcium is low. Aren’t you ashamed of saying it? Is it your age to do this? Akanksha… When I was 30 years old, I had girls lined up to marry me
no matter where I went. But I was already married at 24
and I had already had him when I was 30. I looked that young. Dad, these are not my reports. No, no. It’s not yours at all.
Your grandpa gave it as dowry to me. Have you ever looked at your routine? Akanksha, I’ve told him so many times
to wake up early and do yoga. It affects the health. But no, he never does it, he leaves early
and comes late, then he sticks to the TV. To watch that terrible couple from DC. What? Who? The Underwoods from
House of Cards. Wow, such good knowledge. You’re a river of knowledge, child. Forget ’bout that, child.
Tell me something, son… Why am I finding empty packets
of junk food in your bag? Are you an alcoholic now? Hey, why are you staring at her?
Talk to me! Now you’re going to stare at me? Dad, I must’ve just bought it
in case I got hungry. I must’ve eaten it only when I didn’t
have anything else. Also, didn’t we all go
to the clinic together? How can say it’s mine?
I’ll just call and check with them. I’ll tell them to email it to me. You just need an excuse to stick to
your phone. Call them! You don’t trust your dad or my experience,
but you trust your phone. Okay, let’s just wait for 3-4 hours. When our reports come, we’ll know who
has high cholesterol and low calcium. Your reports? You’re still saying this is my report? You’re doubting your dad’s health? Did you forget what
your grandpa would say? -An Apple a day?
-Keeps the doctor away… Akanksha, you’re a goddess
of knowledge and wisdom. You’re great! He can’t even do this much
and he says it’s my reports. Look at how it’s done, son. Oh, that was a burp…
I had a late lunch, right? The Koftas(Indian dish)
and biryani(Indian dish) were great! I’ll show it to you later. I’ll just have to go to the loo. Saw my dad acting? He’s been doing it for 6 years
and still can’t get it. What about what you do? You tell me you occasionally have it
but, chew gum every day. Look at how black your lips are. What are you talking about now? You you also act
like you exercise. I think dad is right,
the reports must be yours. Yeah right! I eat fruits, I’ve stopped sugar,
I do yoga and take the stairs! I also have ‘Lite Horlicks’
with milk every day. It doesn’t even have added sugar in it! I’m taking good care of myself.
I think they’re your reports. Excuse me, it definitely
can’t be my reports! I do all that you do. Really? In that case, do the yoga pose
that dad was talking about. If you claim to be fit. All this doesn’t happen
along with work, man. I seem to manage it. I jog for 3 days a week and do the
‘Bhangra work-out’ for 3 days. Excuse me, ma’am, dancing
to a Daler Mehndi song is not exercise. That’s not even Bhangra
(Indian dance form). -Really? You show it to me.
-This? That’s a work-out? -I’m a fitter than you are.
-Is that so? I use the stairs but why do you use
the elevator? ‘Cause I’m always carrying more stuff. And you’re always lagging behind
when we go out for walks. ‘Cause you have long legs. Oh… And when… Give me a minute, there’s a lot more.
I need to think about it. Why are you talking about me?
Look at yourself! Tell me, how many days did you hit
the gym last month? Gym has nothing to do with fitness, man.
Having a lean body is in now. I do chair yoga every day. The other day, I pressed CTRL+S
on Mishra’s computer. With my foot! Pick this up.
With your foot! That’s easy. I’ve had a heavy lunch…
And a late lunch… And you made such good
Malai Koftas (Indian dish). You made them really well,
but it was a little rich. Um, Jeetu… -What?
-Actually… -Your calcium!
-Calcium, what? -Didn’t you get tired soon 2 nights ago?
-What are you talking about!? It’s a muscle not a bone! It has nothing to do with calcium.
Also, 2 days back? We did it at least a week back… Praise God… Fix the tap… Oh it’s an open kitchen..
Okay, okay… Can’t you be aware, Aakanksha? My dad’s at home,
I wonder what he’ll tell mom now. You’ve turned to abstinence… Sorry, I didn’t notice. What are you laughing at? The milk is done being boiled. Listen, no matter whose reports they are,
we need to focus more on health. Let’s start something? -Jogging?
-Yoga. Let’s do it together. And not just 3 days in a week. Dad, open it carefully. This is such a good report! Aakanksha, this is really good! -Give me my reports.
-These are mine, dad. Show that to me. -Those are your reports.
-These are my reports? My reports? Sugar levels, cholesterol
and calcium… -They’re all high for me?
-Yes, dad. But such high cholesterol and
sugar levels? I’ve to call your mom! What? Jeetu’s mother? I… I… I am… Where…
Where are you? In the kitchen? Just sit down for a bit. No, don’t stand. I need to tell you
something so sit down. I’m coming back tomorrow. No, no… Akanksha is taking
very good care of me…but… She’s a goddess, but we got some tests
done and my reports are bad. Look, this is all we could be together,
I have to leave now. Call Ramchandar, okay? He does some notary work,
so he can get my will made. Also, do you remember the place
we bought for Jeetu’s studies in Kota? We’ll have to sell that now. No, don’t worry… You just start practising
to sign on a cheque… Dad, nothing has happened!
Just exercise and it’ll all be okay. What sort of a child are?
You’re saying nothing’s happened?! Do you have brains?
My life is… -Sulochana, I’m blind!
-Dad, the power’s out. Oh, the power’s out? No, he says that it’s
just a power cut. Instead of dealing with all of this,
I wish they my reports…

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