I first thought something might be wrong with
me about a year before I went to the doctor’s. I’d had kind of, bleeding and feeling lethargic,
but I put that down to work and being a mum and all these sorts of things.
I was due for my smear anyway so I thought I’ll go to the doctor’s and have my smear.
She said you should have seen me a long time ago really.
I went to see a consultant within a week or so.
He told me I had cancer. It all just came so fast it seemed that every
time I saw the consultant news got worse and worse.
It already spread into to my lymph nodes. I’d gone from it being operable to it being
inoperable within two months. I remember my dad had sent me a text message
on the way back saying, it was when we were getting the results,
saying I’ve put some champagne on ice, you know, because we thought it was going to be
fine. And I walked through the gate and he kind
of went (thumbs up). And I went no, you know, its not great
And just think it is so hard, you know, to tell…
It was harder to tell them than it was to hear it myself.
You just don’t expect for it to happen to somebody who’s 30 years old.
Everything’s fine and it just sort of comes in like a sledgehammer and ruins everything.
Towards the end of radiotherapy and the end of chemotherapy
I was really starting to feel ill. I felt so lethargic it was unreal and I slept
for hours and hours. It’s no kind of tiredness that I’ve experienced
in my life. There’d be days where I hadn’t even spoken.
So you do start to feel abit lonely. I met Vikki when I was first diagnosed, and
she was really great. She explained that she was a Macmillan nurse
and I was reassured that there was somebody there.
At that moment, in that time, when you break that news.
I think they must feel so isolated. So I think it’s important that we let them
know they’re not alone and for alot of people now actually we can
cure this disease. Or for those that we can’t cure we can actually
buy them good quality life for a long period of time.
I always felt that she was on my side. Ian proposed to me on my birthday
It was nice because I didn’t expect it or see it coming at all.
Because I hadn’t been very well the consultant had said I suggest you bring the wedding forward.
I suppose alot of people who have run off frightened.
Or be scared, or whatever but he’s just been an absolute rock really.
We decided we’ll all make a box of our own, with things that we’ve put in there.
So we’ve put everything that we’ve all done together in these little boxes
so she can go back years and years later and look through, and remember everything that
we’ve done It’s not a sad thing, it’s a positive thing.
“Mum you are the best.” Make the most of the time that we’ve got
and enjoy it for what it is. I think I could of just easily spiralled into
despair until they kind of catch you before you get
there. I remember telling my mum I’ve got a Macmillan
nurse her name’s Vikki, she’s really helpful.
One of the first times I met her, you know that consultation will stay with me forever.
I’ll often say wherever my patient goes, I’ll walk at the side of them.
And should she need me, should she stumble, should she fall,
I’ll be there with my hand to make sure she doesn’t.
It’s really nice to feel you are remembered, that you are cared about.
I couldn’t have got through it without her, I really couldn’t. She was brilliant.