Hi my name is Kandice and this is my first youtube video. I really wanted to talk about mental health and what it feels like to… in this case, for this video, what it feels like to have anxiety or be diagnosed with anxiety. And honestly I really don’t like to use the word “diagnosed” because it makes it feel… I don’t know. More Dramatic? If that’s the right word. I don’t know if that’s the word I want to use but… It feels more dramatic what it is I suppose. I don’t feel like there’s anything inherently wrong with having anxiety or that there’s anything inherently wrong with me or anyone else that has it. so… I was “diagnosed” with anxiety about a year and a half ago when I was 25. I took myself to the doctor. My grandfather had gotten really sick very suddenly and he had come home and he was on hospice. And I just- I couldn’t handle it at all. It was hard to see him sick. Even though I knew it was harder for him to be sick and to be slowly passing away. I guess… It was a different kind of experience with my anxiety than what I was used to. I was crying all the time. I couldn’t ever really stop crying. I was having thought loops. Constantly: “I can’t do this.” “This is too much.” “But I have to I have to do this.” “I have to be here for my mother- for my grandfather.” “This is my responsibility,” even though my mother kept telling me that it WASN’T my responsibility. but… I was putting a lot of pressure on myself and I could not stop that pressure. It got to the point where I was crying at work; I was crying at home. I had locked myself in the bathroom to cry on the floor and that’s when I realized that I wanted and needed to get some help. And that’s when I went to the doctor. And my heart rate was super high. I told her what was going on and she said, “You have Generalized Anxiety Disorder.” And honestly… I knew before that I had at least some kind or form of anxiety. From when I was about 16 I think. I had just been laying out on my bed doing nothing and I had- my heart started pounding. And I chalked it up to being just a really weird asthma attack- ’cause I also have asthma. And it passed. Then it happened again about my junior year of high school when I was walking to the bus stop and I saw my bully. i just automatically paused. My heart started beating really fast. I could barely breathe and… I don’t know how I just turned around and I started walking home and I felt better. I didn’t really take it seriously until I was about 18. And for some reasons I had to withdraw from my first four year college. I started freaking out. I was like “How am I going to get into another school? I had to withdraw from this school. Am I going to finish college?” And for a week straight I cried and I had panic attacks. I wish I would have taken it more seriously then and I could have gotten help earlier because I learned just… bad ways to deal with my anxiety and my panic attacks. And my way of dealing with it- to prevent myself from having panic attacks was to lash out at other people. So… back to when I was diagnosed with anxiety… She [The Doctor] just automatically prescribed me Xanax which I was not for and I told her I was not for but she made me get it anyway. I took myself to the psychiatry clinic- or part of the hospital I made an appointment with a therapist and she put me in a mindfulness class. Now the mindfulness class did not exactly help. It helped me learn a better way of arguing with people. Like: everyone’s feelings are valid. Think through what you need to say before you say it. Try to understand how the other person feels. I think the only thing I really learned about my anxiety was that my trigger was- well my current trigger is that I have a problem with control. And my anxiety acts up when I can’t control a situation. My grandfather passing was the biggest event in my life that I could not control. ‘Cause no one can prevent death. And even though I knew that and I understood that. I couldn’t ACCEPT it. That was- That’s the biggest factor of my anxiety. And I still struggle with it from time to time. Although I had another experience which kind of helped minimize my general anxiety greatly which I will talk about in a different video. It’s a process. It’s takes time. And if you work at it you will get through it. So that was my very dramatic experience of being diagnosed with general anxiety. I want to know about your experience with being diagnosed or if you haven’t been diagnosed by actual your doctor I want to know what your experience is anyway. So leave a comment below explaining that. Please subscribe for more “Let’s Talk About It” videos and hopefully I will try very hard to have a video out every Sunday. And tell me also in the comments what you want me to talk about. I’m very into mental health. I have a lot of other things that I want to talk about and… yeah! Subscribe! Talk to you later.